this was gonna be a longer diary entry but i've been procrastinating on it for like a week now so
just gonna write this to get it out :3
earlier this week, a friend compared me to "a working dog that's been trained like a lap dog" and i have NEVER felt more seen in my entire life.
i've always seen myself in those big, stocky, working animals. dogs, horses, the list goes on.
but i don't... act like a worker dog. i don't enjoy physical labor, or exercise, or whatever.
it's always been a point of contention with how i view myself and how i view my nonhuman-ness.
but- it's odd- i've always, even before i knew i was kin, felt like i should enjoy exercising. like that part of me was cut out.
and, when i think about it, it was, right?
i've always had a very bad experience with exercise growing up (middle school gym, anyone?) and, maybe this is just me being a pussy, but it's very hard to enjoy doing physical labor when you live in texas, and any outdoor work makes you feel like you're boiling to death.
so, i became a lap dog.
(a fitting coincidence; an acquaintance recently compared me to a puppy, the other day. something something metaphor something something.)
but i think i'm making peace with it now. maybe i'll never be as active as i would have been, if i was raised in the right... environment, but, i think my relationship with exercise is healing. at least a little.
- ikar + jericho